Wednesday nights.

Of course it's Wednesday. every Wednesday feels the same. as though I feel like i'm living in a dream. living the same life as it seems. never ending...never fading. within a line I feel like i am fading. Within my thoughts. I am lost. lost within myself and self doubt. wondering If I can find myself within the darkness of a room I am with delight I am finding what I wished I didn't lose within sight.

Just one of those days.

I wanted to get a lot of things done today. But, just not happening. I haven't done laundry. So, I'm going to wait until possibly Saturday. I'll have more time and well, the actual money to do it. I have $9 to last me until Friday. So, yeah... It's been really rough now that I'm basically working two days a week now. I went online and applied to a couple of places to get something going even if its only a few days a week. Next week I'm going over to dutchess and go back. It'll be good to go back. I'm looking forward to it. :)

Rainy day

Rainy kind of day today. Nice kind of day to just sit inside and watch movies all day. I wish it was nicer outside. But, those days will be here soon. Well, this morning...I almost bought a pack of cigarettes. I didn't. But, urg...I was close. Instead, I bought a lamp and I love it. Better than what I almost got.

Because, buying cigarettes are a lot of money. It's just not worth it anymore.
That, and well. I can spend $10 on something more great. Like a lamp. :D
That I much needed.

Today. Seems to be a day where I'm going to basically look for more work and napping in between. I just know this pay check I'll be getting Friday will probably be only about $200. And that makes me depressed.

Easter. 2016.

Happy Easter everyone.

So, Today went by pretty ok. went to my sisters house with my dad which went well. my sister makes the best food and it was great seeing my nephew. Sad my mom had to work today. she always works on holidays. but, tomorrow she is off and it's going to be a nice day out so we might go back to my sisters house in the Afternoon tomorrow.

So the news today like always seems to be nothing but more bombings around the world. honestly. I think this world really needs to just end. it's becoming to evil and violent. it's becoming to insane. Today over 200 people were injured and about 60 people were killed today in Lahore Pakistan. mostly women and children lost their lives today. Christians celebrating Easter in a park. yea...
just terrible what this world has come to. it's just to sad. I mean, come on! Killing women and Children in a park. bombing innocent people for no reason at all.

Just terrible, there's no other words to say. All these countries around the world are being targeted. and I have a fear America is on the list. because it's going down like domino's with these bombings around the world. first Paris, then Belgium, India, and now Pakistan. all in a matter of just a couple of months. it's becoming a world war on it's own. it's a scary world that we as decent humans are living in. seems to me pure evil is just taking over this world. it just needs to end.

Second post of the day, which is the first.

OK, so I have been brain storming. and well, lets face the facts. it's not 1950 anymore. in this day and age there are more things to worry about then what a man thinks of a women in today's world. so far it's basically what you think about yourself is what makes guys attracted to you. regardless of sex that is. either or if you are a gay man or a gay woman does it matter what the person that you like think about you? do you often worry if you are wondering a lot if he/she likes you. ever thought what you are doing wrong to make them not seem interested in you after just one date? I had a guy basically pin point me off the first date not just one guy 2 guys. went out and well, within a week they weren't interested anymore. why is that? just the first time meeting me they basically were pretty much like "nope" not even giving me a chance after the first date. even though I thought we had a lot in common I guess they didn't? or why did they pretend like they were interested in me in person then basically back down through a text message. saying..."we just didn't click" which one guy actually said that to me once. we just didn't click. right? because you living with nor floors in your house apparently was just the icing on the cake. living in a tent in your back yard. I don't even remember what I was talking about but we seem to have a great connection on talking about rocks and stuff. I don't know, maybe he didn't like the fact that I liked the same stuff he did. some guys don't like a girl with a lot of the same interests as him. for some reason i have no idea. but it is what it is. which is weird. because, I thought most guys would like a women with the same interests as him. but, this guy apparently didn't for some reason which I thought was weird in some sense. as always i'm just rambling on about nonsense. but maybe just for once I want to feel like i'm not the one who is in the wrong.

or am I wrong? ever got to the point where you are like what is wrong with me?
well, i'm in the point in my life as of right now. I just give up.
so my question is do you feel like you had a connection with a certain person and they did as well?
but, suddenly that changed within a few days?
email me. or message me on facebook.


https://www.facebook.com/KellyAnn687


.

In today's world of being almost 30 and single.

Kind of started a long time ago, when things seem to be great when you're younger all the guys wanted to hang out even if you didn't have money or a car. i'm in the process of getting a car this summer. Was meant to be last summer. but, didn't happen. I'm only working basically 2 days a week and it's hard. looking for more work seems to be impossible. i've been looking and looking applying and applying and no calls back. called a few places and they got filled up. even went to an interview just to be told I didn't get the job.

so in any event basically. what happened to real guys? are they hiding? do they only want a girl who is like a fucking executive producer of fox? has 2 cars a money in the bank. well not me. and guys today seem to not want a girl who doesn't have it all. and i'm far from it. today basically high lightened on my social life with men. they don't want a girl that doesn't have her own money and her own car. why is that? don't get me wrong I do have some money but I don't have money to just go out and buy drinks and eat. I don't even sleep on some nights and when I do I work the next day and I walk. I walk to and from work. I walk almost every where and most days my feet hurt. I haven't even had a guy ask me out on a real date in idk probably years. one guy was like oh if you had a car we could hang out. oh well thanks. i'll remember that. today, what are you doing tonight? oh? you have no money oh well fuck you then.

honestly, i'm so sick of it. i'm sick of being treated like such garbage. I should have a car by now because of my age. I did have a car about 3 years ago but I had to sell it and I barely used it.
so, to end my rant.

am I not grown up for men these days? or do guys look for women who have more than them?

Email me @ kelann1987@gmail.com
what are your comments? are you in the same boat?
feeling like you aren't worth a mans time?
ladies I want to hear your voices.

Finally Spring! :D

Yay! it's finally spring just about, and I cannot wait! today it hit over 80 today and wow was it different from what I was used to...so far, things are going ok. my Father started chemo today. just wishing there was something I can do to make him feel happy again because, he's not who he used to be. but, today I made him dinner. tomorrow I am off and he told me to watch for the mail man. for whatever reason I don't really know. lol

but, he said he is waiting for something to come in for his metal detector. so, I'll be the mail main stalker. haha 

Work is going ok. just took me 5 months to finally start learning things. Felt like I was on the verge of getting fired about a month ago. so glad that didn't happen. right now, I'm only working 3 days a week. so...i'm looking for a second job as of right now. so far, I applied to a few places for mornings. so we'll see if they'll call. 

I need to buy some new sandals in a few weeks, I miss wearing flip flops