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Don't ever let a toxic person get you down, because, they only want to see you frown. Don't ever let a toxic person see your tears they only want to be apart of your fears. Don't ever let a toxic person know your breaking point because, they'll just put it all in your face. Don't ever let a toxic person turn you into something they can just waste and miss place. Don't ever let a toxic person be inside your mind. In time, they'll just disappeare and you'll finally be able to wipe away all those tears. -kr

American horror story season 6 reviews

Last night was the season premiere of American horror story season 6. Ok, I'm liking the whole idea so far. But, I think I need to rewatch it. Although, it kind of reminds me of coven and murder house. I'm looking forward to the next episode of it on Wednesday. A lot of people have said it's "the mist" But, that was just a promo of that name it's not the actual name. I love it but, it makes me hate it. because, I'm like what's going to happen next?? Lol I think it's a ghost town theme as the lost colony "Roanoke colony" haunting the grounds. Hence, "my Roanoke nightmare"

American horror story

Urg!! So the 6th season of American horror story is premiering September 14. Kind of early this year. All the other 5 seasons started in October. But, would run all up until January or even February. I think this is a good idea. Also, this season only has 10 episodes. Well, no one even myself doesn't know the name of it yet. It's still a mystery. But, I'm kind of looking forward to this season.

American flag removal

So, I just read that the fire station in my home town of Arlington/Poughkeepsie, New York are taking the American flags off their fire trucks. Because it causes a distraction to other drivers on the road. Right....it's the American flag. Why take the flag down it represents our country and everything we fought for. It's just horrible. I don't understand the logic of it. It's disgraceful. Instead of taking down the American flag how come we don't do more to take down isis and fucking those black lives matter protesters. Now they are more of a distraction to drivers. Blocking highways. This country is off its grid.

And well it's August. :)

And so it's August. This summer I have to say went by pretty fast. However for me that is. No summer romance or anything like that. I've been pretty well kept to myself. I was seeing this guy Ian but it didn't work out... Unfortunately. However everything else has been going good. Went to Dcc and cleared my debt that I shouldn't have had in the fist place. Took me over 3 years to fix it. But, it got done. Now, I can finally have a clean slate. And also I found a place where I would needed more help considering the fact I had an IEP diploma. I don't I have an IEP diploma atleast not anymore. So I have to start all over again. And I don't know where to start. When you had it in your mind for years having people telling you in highschool you weren't able to go to college because of your diploma I didn't even think twice it took me years to get out of that state of mind and thinking I could be like anyone else. I just wish I was like everyone else. But I'm not. And I have myself to change that. I was told that no highschool offer IEP diplomas anymore they haven't in maybe 3 years. Which is ironic because that's the same time I got dropped. Pretty weird....also a girl told me she graduated from dutchess with an IEP diploma. So how come mine wasn't acceptable after being 2 months of the semester. It's like I was walking on diamonds then the next I was walking on lava. It was the worst feeling in the world. And now I have to start over.

July is almost over....

This summer is going by rather fast that's all I can say...it's already almost August. in all honesty, I haven't done much really. I wanted to go to NJ but that didn't happen of course. A lot is going on right now. Anyway, this weekend we are getting a lot of hot weather. And I'm not looking forward to it. It makes me tired and I don't want to do anything. It sucks the energy out of me. Well, tomorrow I was thinking about going to the mall maybe check out Sephora go buy some goodies. And oh definitely wine because I need it!! Lol ;)

My birthday.

Yes, today is my birthday and I turned 29 today. It feels like a regular day to me. Nothing has changed nothing feels different. Accepted, me getting older and facing the fact that exactly a year from now I'll be 30 years old I try not to think about it. It's depressing in sense....also not to mention I rather have went to work. I mainly celebrated my birthday yesterday with family. My dad worked all day today....and I went out with a friend earlier. So that was nice. Tomorrow is back to work and back to reality. It's 7:30 on a Tuesday evening and I am already set for bed. Hahaha and drinking my favorite wine and reading a good new book I got from Barnes and Nobles. I guess getting older does have its perks. Of boringness and being ok with that. :)

You ever thought...

Have you ever thought of that you are being treated differently....I do everyday just about. But, I keep going because i have I need to. I found out my dad has a %50 percent chance of living. I've been crying for a few hours. I hate crying because I'm usually not the one to cry more so in front of people...and if it gets to bad I need to leave. Because, it's all I know. I live my life for my dad because he lives his. He is the reason why I keep going because he is my inspiration of everything. He once told me to care about yourself because know one else will. I know he didn't say that to be mean. But my life is to to keep going and to remain happy even when you're not. My father is the most strongest person I've ever known. I love him with all my heart. He has non Hodgkin's lymphoma. Which doctors have said it is rare the one that he has is rare. He has a %50 persent of living and %50 percent of going the other way. He isn't getting worse which is an amazing sign. He still has cancer in his chest. I hope the radiation will kill all of it. But since it is a rare form and the doctors said they don't know much about it only a few have had it.  They mainly said they will prolong his life as much as they can. I love my dad and I hope it goes the way god intended. I'm not ready to lose him just yet.

Late night thoughts...

Well, it's after 4am. I haven't posted in maybe almost a month. Well, my topic is...has anyone else felt the same as I do? No matter how many times you try to do things numerous of times you just don't seem to get it? Well, I do. And it sucks. I hate the fact the I am slow with everything I do. Whether. It's writing or math or even talking I hate it. Only reason why I'm mentioning this. Is because, I wonder what it's like to be that person. That gets things right off the bat. You know, the person that everyone likes. But, I'm not that person. Not at all. But, I wonder what it would be like to go out to go back to school without worrying about how I learn. I learn way different than most people. And I am not the only one out there who is in the same boat. Who is a good person but lacks...oh what's the word? Smart? Lol

Because, i don't know I feel like no matter how much I see and do I just don't understand. So, my topic is. How to learn at a faster pace when well you have no clue where to start. Well, for starters I'm going back to dutchess. Which is something I should have done years ago. And I can't wait to go back. I'll be 29 in exactly a month from now. And I still feel like I am 18. Everyone around me is having kids and is getting married. I'm not. And in some ways makes me depressed. But, at the same time. I'm still young and naïve to say the least as what a woman wants out of life. A family and husband a house with a white fence, the whole nine yards. To go out and have fun without looking weird. Lol which I've been in those situations and it's not fun. I wonder what it's like to be someone different than who I am. Because, I can't really say i hate the person I am. I just wish I was a bit different as how people see me as. If that makes sense. Lol

I need a change

Change is good right? Of course it is. And I'm in need of one. Lots of things are going on in my life right now. & well not for the better. So, I'm looking into a lot of things one is going back to school. I'm thinking about doing a bartending classes over the next few weeks just need to find a place that does bartending classes. I need to look into something. And I love booze so it works lol

Anyway, I'm working 3 days this week which is better than last week at least I got one extra day in.

My dad came home from the hospital today. He's doing fine now, I'm glad he's home and doing better. He was in the hospital for almost a week. So, it's been a hectic few days. My mom has been upset but who could blame her. We all have. But, good news is he's doing good. They said his lungs were clear and the cancer is not in his spine anymore. Which is fantastic news!!. :)

The wish app?

I've been hearing all this talk about this so called "wish app" Where you can basically buy a cute shirt for like $4. But, where and who is coming up with all of this amazing stuff for real cheap?

Well, I've been doing a lot of research about slave labor. And well, these websites called rosegal or nastydress. Even Eric dress. Are all basically child and women and yes, men slave labor websites. From which I read and heard from a lot of people. In fact, Most of these websites are listed in china. Most of which these women and children work long hours so you can get that lip gloss for .50 cents. Or that cute dress for $5. Oh, that awesome cute purse for $10? Let me just ask that Chinese girl to work an extra 15 hours so I can get it shipped to me in a month.

The only stores or website(s) I'll ever buy from are Here listed that doesn't have slave labor employees from what I read. "Not %100 percent sure" but these are the stores/websites I found that don't except items from other countries that endorse slave labor.

Old Navy.
10 mall.com.
Nordstrom.com.
American eagle outfitters.
Payless shoe source.
Hollister.co
Sears.
Jcpenny.
Hottopic. (I havent shopped in that store in basically 10 years) lol.
Amazon.com some of their items I believe are good. Just don't buy named brands like Mk or coach. Even high named brands.
Tjmaxx.
Marshall's.

Urg! I forgot what I was going to put here.
Anyway these are the stores and websites that don't have slave labor products being shipped to their store/website

Other than this
These are the stores I believe excepts slave labor products

Walmart.
Coach. yes, these purses are made in China.
Forever 21.
Wetseal.
Prada.
H&M.
Rosegal.com.
Erickdress.com.
Nasty dress.com.
Sammydress.com.
Yes the new hot app wish.
Amazon.
...My beloved Victoria's secret. :(
Nike.

Apple iPhone. the greatest phone apparently invented is being made by a human in Asia working 23 hours a day. So, you can get the best phone out there for $600

Samsung.
IPhone.
All those high named brand products are products of slave labor.

Please do research before you buy. And where the items you bought came from.
Not all of us are aware of how bad slave labor is in this world but it is bad.
Note: you can buy from wherever you want to. Sadly, I've bought from these stores and websites for years. So, my take on this is. Mostly high end products. Definitely coach handbags. Apple iPhone.
Versace. Saks 5th ave. Barney's. Banana republic. Nike. Not to sure about Michael kors but, I think he's good.

Wednesday nights.

Of course it's Wednesday. every Wednesday feels the same. as though I feel like i'm living in a dream. living the same life as it seems. never ending...never fading. within a line I feel like i am fading. Within my thoughts. I am lost. lost within myself and self doubt. wondering If I can find myself within the darkness of a room I am with delight I am finding what I wished I didn't lose within sight.

Just one of those days.

I wanted to get a lot of things done today. But, just not happening. I haven't done laundry. So, I'm going to wait until possibly Saturday. I'll have more time and well, the actual money to do it. I have $9 to last me until Friday. So, yeah... It's been really rough now that I'm basically working two days a week now. I went online and applied to a couple of places to get something going even if its only a few days a week. Next week I'm going over to dutchess and go back. It'll be good to go back. I'm looking forward to it. :)

Rainy day

Rainy kind of day today. Nice kind of day to just sit inside and watch movies all day. I wish it was nicer outside. But, those days will be here soon. Well, this morning...I almost bought a pack of cigarettes. I didn't. But, urg...I was close. Instead, I bought a lamp and I love it. Better than what I almost got.

Because, buying cigarettes are a lot of money. It's just not worth it anymore.
That, and well. I can spend $10 on something more great. Like a lamp. :D
That I much needed.

Today. Seems to be a day where I'm going to basically look for more work and napping in between. I just know this pay check I'll be getting Friday will probably be only about $200. And that makes me depressed.

Easter. 2016.

Happy Easter everyone.

So, Today went by pretty ok. went to my sisters house with my dad which went well. my sister makes the best food and it was great seeing my nephew. Sad my mom had to work today. she always works on holidays. but, tomorrow she is off and it's going to be a nice day out so we might go back to my sisters house in the Afternoon tomorrow.

So the news today like always seems to be nothing but more bombings around the world. honestly. I think this world really needs to just end. it's becoming to evil and violent. it's becoming to insane. Today over 200 people were injured and about 60 people were killed today in Lahore Pakistan. mostly women and children lost their lives today. Christians celebrating Easter in a park. yea...
just terrible what this world has come to. it's just to sad. I mean, come on! Killing women and Children in a park. bombing innocent people for no reason at all.

Just terrible, there's no other words to say. All these countries around the world are being targeted. and I have a fear America is on the list. because it's going down like domino's with these bombings around the world. first Paris, then Belgium, India, and now Pakistan. all in a matter of just a couple of months. it's becoming a world war on it's own. it's a scary world that we as decent humans are living in. seems to me pure evil is just taking over this world. it just needs to end.

Second post of the day, which is the first.

OK, so I have been brain storming. and well, lets face the facts. it's not 1950 anymore. in this day and age there are more things to worry about then what a man thinks of a women in today's world. so far it's basically what you think about yourself is what makes guys attracted to you. regardless of sex that is. either or if you are a gay man or a gay woman does it matter what the person that you like think about you? do you often worry if you are wondering a lot if he/she likes you. ever thought what you are doing wrong to make them not seem interested in you after just one date? I had a guy basically pin point me off the first date not just one guy 2 guys. went out and well, within a week they weren't interested anymore. why is that? just the first time meeting me they basically were pretty much like "nope" not even giving me a chance after the first date. even though I thought we had a lot in common I guess they didn't? or why did they pretend like they were interested in me in person then basically back down through a text message. saying..."we just didn't click" which one guy actually said that to me once. we just didn't click. right? because you living with nor floors in your house apparently was just the icing on the cake. living in a tent in your back yard. I don't even remember what I was talking about but we seem to have a great connection on talking about rocks and stuff. I don't know, maybe he didn't like the fact that I liked the same stuff he did. some guys don't like a girl with a lot of the same interests as him. for some reason i have no idea. but it is what it is. which is weird. because, I thought most guys would like a women with the same interests as him. but, this guy apparently didn't for some reason which I thought was weird in some sense. as always i'm just rambling on about nonsense. but maybe just for once I want to feel like i'm not the one who is in the wrong.

or am I wrong? ever got to the point where you are like what is wrong with me?
well, i'm in the point in my life as of right now. I just give up.
so my question is do you feel like you had a connection with a certain person and they did as well?
but, suddenly that changed within a few days?
email me. or message me on facebook.


https://www.facebook.com/KellyAnn687


.

In today's world of being almost 30 and single.

Kind of started a long time ago, when things seem to be great when you're younger all the guys wanted to hang out even if you didn't have money or a car. i'm in the process of getting a car this summer. Was meant to be last summer. but, didn't happen. I'm only working basically 2 days a week and it's hard. looking for more work seems to be impossible. i've been looking and looking applying and applying and no calls back. called a few places and they got filled up. even went to an interview just to be told I didn't get the job.

so in any event basically. what happened to real guys? are they hiding? do they only want a girl who is like a fucking executive producer of fox? has 2 cars a money in the bank. well not me. and guys today seem to not want a girl who doesn't have it all. and i'm far from it. today basically high lightened on my social life with men. they don't want a girl that doesn't have her own money and her own car. why is that? don't get me wrong I do have some money but I don't have money to just go out and buy drinks and eat. I don't even sleep on some nights and when I do I work the next day and I walk. I walk to and from work. I walk almost every where and most days my feet hurt. I haven't even had a guy ask me out on a real date in idk probably years. one guy was like oh if you had a car we could hang out. oh well thanks. i'll remember that. today, what are you doing tonight? oh? you have no money oh well fuck you then.

honestly, i'm so sick of it. i'm sick of being treated like such garbage. I should have a car by now because of my age. I did have a car about 3 years ago but I had to sell it and I barely used it.
so, to end my rant.

am I not grown up for men these days? or do guys look for women who have more than them?

Email me @ kelann1987@gmail.com
what are your comments? are you in the same boat?
feeling like you aren't worth a mans time?
ladies I want to hear your voices.

Finally Spring! :D

Yay! it's finally spring just about, and I cannot wait! today it hit over 80 today and wow was it different from what I was used to...so far, things are going ok. my Father started chemo today. just wishing there was something I can do to make him feel happy again because, he's not who he used to be. but, today I made him dinner. tomorrow I am off and he told me to watch for the mail man. for whatever reason I don't really know. lol

but, he said he is waiting for something to come in for his metal detector. so, I'll be the mail main stalker. haha 

Work is going ok. just took me 5 months to finally start learning things. Felt like I was on the verge of getting fired about a month ago. so glad that didn't happen. right now, I'm only working 3 days a week. so...i'm looking for a second job as of right now. so far, I applied to a few places for mornings. so we'll see if they'll call. 

I need to buy some new sandals in a few weeks, I miss wearing flip flops 

Half way over with winter.

Winter is half way over with, and it kind of feels like it just started. the past weekend has been freezing and we are just getting a little snow now in NY. although, I must say I was kind of hoping for a good winter storm this year. but, I don't think that is going to happen.

so far the past couple of weeks has been rough. my dad has been diagnosed with lymphoma cancer he is doing well and is starting he chemo right now. he is in high spirits which is great. the doctors told us they can completely dissolve the tumors in him which is great news. My mom has been stressing out a lot, which we all have been. it has been rough but, everything will be ok. I set up a gofundme account for my father for medical expenses and whatever he needs right now. so i'm hoping to raise money for him anything can help right now. 

work is going good. I kind of miss working nights but right now mornings and afternoon seems best for me right now since my dad is home he isn't working. my mom is working but she works nights so I don't want to start going back to nights because there wont be anyone home to be with my father. 

I haven't filed my taxes yet which I don't know why i'm waiting the money i get i'm going to give to my father. so i'm hoping to get that within a few weeks. 

Winter storm?

So, I'm hearing there is a winter storm coming this way in NY over the weekend? I've heard from different people that no one exactly knows how much snow we'll be getting. someone said a foot of snow then I heard someone say that we're only going to be getting about 1 inch of snow.
honestly, I wouldn't even mind a snow storm at all.

I think it'll be great. we haven't got snow much at all for the past couple of years and also, it's January! it's time for some snow!

Adult coloring books?

So, the new thing is Adult coloring books. I actually might get one. although, I was never the type of kid to draw within the lines I was terrible at drawing when I was a kid. but, I am interested in seeing what these adult coloring books may look like. I already was online looking at some, and they look pretty amazing. with very unique designs I have to get one.

I didn't color this one, but this is what some adult coloring books may have in some of them

 and I want one! :D

So, this week has been going by pretty good. I was meant to go to DCC this week, but, I am going sometime next week going back and taking morning classes. 

Early Tuesday mornings

It's just about 2:30 am, and I'm still awake. I've been thinking about a lot of things in my life. and i'm simply just not happy. i'm going on 29 year's old. no ring on my finger and no kids. everyone I know is either getting married or having children. or in some sort of a relationship. how come i'm not?
is there anyone out there for me? or did I already push him away and i'm on his facebook blocked list? lmao

idk....but, at the good side, I feel happy. I'm still young and still striving for life. don't want to be tied down just yet or having someone being always asking me if i'm ok. I still have life in me and I still love going out and not having to worry about things. except for work....which honestly, I've been there for 3 months almost and I don't think i'm going to be getting fired anytime soon. they haven't hired really anyone else since i've started. nope just been working my ass off. but, honestly, I like it. and well....i'm kind of attractive to this guy. hopefully he will never come across this page. but, yea...I make it so he doesn't notice that I think he's cute. lol

I feel like i'm 16 years old again. lol

First sickness of the new year.

Well, I am sick. and the worst part is, it seems to last forever and it's not even getting any better at all. I went to work yesterday, which in my favor went by pretty rather fast then usual. just sucked because the damn bartender guy blocked my way of serving food to people so I had to go all away around so that kind of sucked. But, I understood why he did it. wouldn't be good while he was whipping up drinks that I walked into him with food and well..that would be a disaster. I honestly don't know how the bar is going to look like when it's done but, I think it's going to be rather bigger and rather probably awesome when everything is done. hopefully by this summer.

Tomorrow i'm off so, i'm going to have to run up to my job to get my pay check because I'm broke right now, I have to buy a Futon because my mattress is in such bad shape it just needs to go. I've had it for nearly 10 years and it just needs to get out. lol



I barely have any hours this week and the week after so, this pay check I get I hope it's enough to get me by for the next 2 weeks. I even might look for a 2nd job in the mean time. i'm not the kind of person to work 2 or even 3 jobs but, I need money and getting paid every two weeks seems to take forever. it really goes by like as if it's a decade. i'm so dramatic I know. so, i'm hoping to find a futon for maybe even $100 or even $150. not less than that. I saw one on walmart.com so I was hoping to maybe find it in stores but, I couldn't find it anywhere in the store. and I hate to have to order it online because shipping I know will be expensive. probably be more than what i'll actually have to pay for the futon it self. but, At this point I really don't care because I need to get rid of this mattress I have it's been through a lot over the past 10 years and it just needs to go. out the door out of my life lol

Mondays...

It's already January 4th. and it has been already flying by. I am honestly looking forward to spring this year. it's my 2nd favorite season. my first is Fall, but it never lasts long. this one didn't it went by super fast. the holidays are over and well, it just went by to fast. that's all I have to say. once the holidays are over thing's usually go by pretty fast. so far we haven't got any snow this season. we got some, but i'm honestly looking for a big snow storm before the winter is over with.

Anyway, I was hoping to make it to my friends baby shower on the 9th but, I wont be able to go due to the fact I have to work that day. so, that sucks. i'm going to find away to bring them out to her soon. for the most part it's been super crazy at work the past couple of weeks. I honestly can't wait until their done with all the repairing there its getting annoying with all the changes and what know. now they're going to have fucking tv's at the counter on the walls and honestly, i'm going to be worried about them falling on someone more than anything. when I applied there back in September, I really thought it was just a bowling ally. but, nope they're putting all this new shit in an arcade, Laser tag and apparently a race track in the parking lot and some kind of weird rope climbing. honestly, It's going to be like a day care center and i'm probably not going to stay there. i'm going to look for something else after winter is over to be completely honest. they haven't even hired any new people there since I started. and it's kind of ridiculous. I worked 10 hours one day and was only givin a 30 minute break. by the time my shift was over I felt so dizzy and just plain sick I literally threw up when I got home because of the running around I was doing. it was really exhausting to say the least.
I am in need to buy a new bed when I get paid this week so that's on my to do list. and more make up since I lost all mine on New years eve some how. I don't know what happened to any of it. All I write about is negativity, so on my 2016 goal i'm going to make things more positive.

besides, I was in need of new make up anyways. lol

New years day! 2016

Happy new years! Last night I went out with a friend of mine. it was a great time. except I lost my new earrings and some how all the make up I brought with me apparently vanished. including my lip gloss my face powder my mascara and my expensive eye liner that was $16. and my house keys....
oh, and I got knocked over by a bouncer that was trying to break up a fight.

Honestly, I rather have had just stayed home. i'm never going to go out on new years eve. I wasn't going to but, I didn't want to just sit home either. i'm probably more mad about my earrings than anything because i literally just bought them I mean I have one but the other one is simply just gone. it probably fell out when I got knocked over by that asshole that worked there.
for the most part I can just replace my make up. but, those earrings where so nice they were 18k earrings and one is missing. and i'm depressed. good news is, I found the same pair online so i'm going to order them. :)

http://www.amazon.com/Silver-Forest-Black-Paisley-Earrings/dp/B00GNRKPWC/ref=sr_1_49?ie=UTF8&qid=1451688473&sr=8-49&keywords=silver+forest+earrings