July is almost over....

This summer is going by rather fast that's all I can say...it's already almost August. in all honesty, I haven't done much really. I wanted to go to NJ but that didn't happen of course. A lot is going on right now. Anyway, this weekend we are getting a lot of hot weather. And I'm not looking forward to it. It makes me tired and I don't want to do anything. It sucks the energy out of me. Well, tomorrow I was thinking about going to the mall maybe check out Sephora go buy some goodies. And oh definitely wine because I need it!! Lol ;)

My birthday.

Yes, today is my birthday and I turned 29 today. It feels like a regular day to me. Nothing has changed nothing feels different. Accepted, me getting older and facing the fact that exactly a year from now I'll be 30 years old I try not to think about it. It's depressing in sense....also not to mention I rather have went to work. I mainly celebrated my birthday yesterday with family. My dad worked all day today....and I went out with a friend earlier. So that was nice. Tomorrow is back to work and back to reality. It's 7:30 on a Tuesday evening and I am already set for bed. Hahaha and drinking my favorite wine and reading a good new book I got from Barnes and Nobles. I guess getting older does have its perks. Of boringness and being ok with that. :)

You ever thought...

Have you ever thought of that you are being treated differently....I do everyday just about. But, I keep going because i have I need to. I found out my dad has a %50 percent chance of living. I've been crying for a few hours. I hate crying because I'm usually not the one to cry more so in front of people...and if it gets to bad I need to leave. Because, it's all I know. I live my life for my dad because he lives his. He is the reason why I keep going because he is my inspiration of everything. He once told me to care about yourself because know one else will. I know he didn't say that to be mean. But my life is to to keep going and to remain happy even when you're not. My father is the most strongest person I've ever known. I love him with all my heart. He has non Hodgkin's lymphoma. Which doctors have said it is rare the one that he has is rare. He has a %50 persent of living and %50 percent of going the other way. He isn't getting worse which is an amazing sign. He still has cancer in his chest. I hope the radiation will kill all of it. But since it is a rare form and the doctors said they don't know much about it only a few have had it.  They mainly said they will prolong his life as much as they can. I love my dad and I hope it goes the way god intended. I'm not ready to lose him just yet.

Late night thoughts...

Well, it's after 4am. I haven't posted in maybe almost a month. Well, my topic is...has anyone else felt the same as I do? No matter how many times you try to do things numerous of times you just don't seem to get it? Well, I do. And it sucks. I hate the fact the I am slow with everything I do. Whether. It's writing or math or even talking I hate it. Only reason why I'm mentioning this. Is because, I wonder what it's like to be that person. That gets things right off the bat. You know, the person that everyone likes. But, I'm not that person. Not at all. But, I wonder what it would be like to go out to go back to school without worrying about how I learn. I learn way different than most people. And I am not the only one out there who is in the same boat. Who is a good person but lacks...oh what's the word? Smart? Lol

Because, i don't know I feel like no matter how much I see and do I just don't understand. So, my topic is. How to learn at a faster pace when well you have no clue where to start. Well, for starters I'm going back to dutchess. Which is something I should have done years ago. And I can't wait to go back. I'll be 29 in exactly a month from now. And I still feel like I am 18. Everyone around me is having kids and is getting married. I'm not. And in some ways makes me depressed. But, at the same time. I'm still young and naïve to say the least as what a woman wants out of life. A family and husband a house with a white fence, the whole nine yards. To go out and have fun without looking weird. Lol which I've been in those situations and it's not fun. I wonder what it's like to be someone different than who I am. Because, I can't really say i hate the person I am. I just wish I was a bit different as how people see me as. If that makes sense. Lol

I need a change

Change is good right? Of course it is. And I'm in need of one. Lots of things are going on in my life right now. & well not for the better. So, I'm looking into a lot of things one is going back to school. I'm thinking about doing a bartending classes over the next few weeks just need to find a place that does bartending classes. I need to look into something. And I love booze so it works lol

Anyway, I'm working 3 days this week which is better than last week at least I got one extra day in.

My dad came home from the hospital today. He's doing fine now, I'm glad he's home and doing better. He was in the hospital for almost a week. So, it's been a hectic few days. My mom has been upset but who could blame her. We all have. But, good news is he's doing good. They said his lungs were clear and the cancer is not in his spine anymore. Which is fantastic news!!. :)

The wish app?

I've been hearing all this talk about this so called "wish app" Where you can basically buy a cute shirt for like $4. But, where and who is coming up with all of this amazing stuff for real cheap?

Well, I've been doing a lot of research about slave labor. And well, these websites called rosegal or nastydress. Even Eric dress. Are all basically child and women and yes, men slave labor websites. From which I read and heard from a lot of people. In fact, Most of these websites are listed in china. Most of which these women and children work long hours so you can get that lip gloss for .50 cents. Or that cute dress for $5. Oh, that awesome cute purse for $10? Let me just ask that Chinese girl to work an extra 15 hours so I can get it shipped to me in a month.

The only stores or website(s) I'll ever buy from are Here listed that doesn't have slave labor employees from what I read. "Not %100 percent sure" but these are the stores/websites I found that don't except items from other countries that endorse slave labor.

Old Navy.
10 mall.com.
Nordstrom.com.
American eagle outfitters.
Payless shoe source.
Hollister.co
Sears.
Jcpenny.
Hottopic. (I havent shopped in that store in basically 10 years) lol.
Amazon.com some of their items I believe are good. Just don't buy named brands like Mk or coach. Even high named brands.
Tjmaxx.
Marshall's.

Urg! I forgot what I was going to put here.
Anyway these are the stores and websites that don't have slave labor products being shipped to their store/website

Other than this
These are the stores I believe excepts slave labor products

Walmart.
Coach. yes, these purses are made in China.
Forever 21.
Wetseal.
Prada.
H&M.
Rosegal.com.
Erickdress.com.
Nasty dress.com.
Sammydress.com.
Yes the new hot app wish.
Amazon.
...My beloved Victoria's secret. :(
Nike.

Apple iPhone. the greatest phone apparently invented is being made by a human in Asia working 23 hours a day. So, you can get the best phone out there for $600

Samsung.
IPhone.
All those high named brand products are products of slave labor.

Please do research before you buy. And where the items you bought came from.
Not all of us are aware of how bad slave labor is in this world but it is bad.
Note: you can buy from wherever you want to. Sadly, I've bought from these stores and websites for years. So, my take on this is. Mostly high end products. Definitely coach handbags. Apple iPhone.
Versace. Saks 5th ave. Barney's. Banana republic. Nike. Not to sure about Michael kors but, I think he's good.

Wednesday nights.

Of course it's Wednesday. every Wednesday feels the same. as though I feel like i'm living in a dream. living the same life as it seems. never ending...never fading. within a line I feel like i am fading. Within my thoughts. I am lost. lost within myself and self doubt. wondering If I can find myself within the darkness of a room I am with delight I am finding what I wished I didn't lose within sight.